Crying yoga
I’ve been doing some new self-care stuff that feels really great. Like going outside in the morning and grounding, and taking a new yoga class. I notice a big difference from connecting with my body and being present. I feel more peaceful and connected to who I truly am. Remember several years back when goat yoga was a thing? Well, let me introduce you to crying yoga.
Each of my yoga classes ends with shavasana - a resting, restorative pose where you’re lying on your back on the mat and just letting everything go. One recent class was focused on leg work, so during shavasana our yoga teacher held our legs just above the ankles, lifted them, and gently swayed our legs back and forth as we lay there allowing them to become dead weight in her hands.
When she swayed my legs, I had a flashback to a memory from when I was a little girl. I was probably around 3 years old, and my parents were folding sheets in the living room. They had me lie on a sheet they had folded lengthwise, and then lifted the sheet on either end, and swung me left and right in my own, private sheet-hammock. Swinging back and forth, back and forth. I felt that delicious emotional amalgam of being both thrilled and completely safe and loved at the same time.
I was so transported to that moment, I started to tear up right there in yoga class. I’m a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), which means I feel things more than other non-HSPs. (💡 If this sounds like you, check out my Am I a Sensitive? quiz.) I don’t cry just when I’m sad. Sometimes I’m so completely moved by a moment, the tears start flowing. I was hoping my yoga teacher didn’t notice I was crying - not because I was ashamed - but because I wanted this to be my own private experience.
I was crying in yoga because that memory moved me. It is one of a handful of happy memories I have from my childhood before my family got broken. And my sensitive, little heart so needed to feel safe, protected, cared for and loved. Over the years, I’ve grieved the things I missed out on, and I’ve even felt resentment. I’ve worked through a lot of it in therapy. But the most powerful thing that has helped me is my rock-solid belief that our soul chooses certain experiences before we’re born - our life blueprint, if you will. I believe I chose my parents and most (if not all) of my childhood experiences. And my parents’ souls agreed to play that role for me as a gesture of love. Yes, that’s weird to think it’s a gesture of love. I can imagine us all gathered around a conference table with our spirit guides reviewing our soul blueprints, ‘OK, so you want to experience the beauty of self-love on a deeper level. I’ll volunteer to be your parent who doesn’t always give you that feeling of safety and being cared for.’ Oftentimes, we need to experience the opposite of something in order to choose the other path - the path of love.
So many of us have childhood wounds. No one I know had perfect parents. Our parents did the best they could with what they knew. Just like those of us who are parents today are doing the darned best we can with what we know. And although remembering that fact helps, it doesn’t negate the impact the wounds have. We tend to carry trauma in our bodies - typically lower in our bodies. This is why many kinds of energy work like grounding, working in the lower chakras, or sound healing work can help us release that trauma and feel safe. If we don’t feel safe, it can show up in so many insidious ways - like needing to control all the little details of our lives. As a (mostly) reformed control freak, I’m raising my hand ✋ on this one. I have great compassion for my soul family with control challenges 💛.
The truth of the matter is, humans aren’t perfect. They don’t always make us feel safe and loved. And the #1 way I know to feel safe and loved is to connect with God, Source, Spirit, the Universe. (Check out my blog posts Meditation is too hard and I talked with the moon for tips on how to connect.) In fact, the only one we can consistently rely on to feel safe and nurtured and loved is Source. ‘Source’ - yeah, the clue is in the name 😉.
Do you relate to what you just read? I’d love to see your comments, below.
Want to explore your spirituality in a safe space? Schedule an appointment or mention this post in my contact form for a private link to schedule a free 45-minute workshop.