I’ve had a black cloud over my head!

I’m recovering from my first official case of Covid, and not only is it a doozy, it feels like everything has been going to crap since it started two and a half weeks ago. For instance, my new insurance won’t cover a medication that’s been a miracle solution for me, my car has been overrun with mice, plus my car wouldn’t start from a dead battery, things were breaking, and everything seemed to be generally falling apart. All this while I’ve been feeling so sick and alone and didn’t have the energy to deal with any of it. What the H?

I discovered years ago that when I feel like there’s a black cloud over my head and everything is falling apart, it’s not a coincidence. It’s the Universe trying to get my attention. I’ve wandered off my path and these challenges are guiding me back. I noticed that once I figured out the puzzle (what was the area needing change) and tended to it, the black cloud disappeared - almost instantly!

I began asking Spirit in my morning ‘medipraytion’ (meditation + prayer), “what is it I’m to learn here?” But I wasn’t really getting an answer. Dang it, I feel like I’ve been on a great path of self-care - working out with a trainer at my gym, meditating more, snacking less, scrolling less, getting to bed at a decent time more often, expressing gratitude. I was doing all the stuff! And I haven’t been able to work out for weeks now! Why would I suddenly have this taken away and be experiencing all these other challenges? It felt like I was being sabotaged!

So I asked for a big, clear sign. Not a sign to give me a specific solution - just a sign that God/Spirit and my guides are always with me, loving me, guiding me toward my highest good. I was sobbing, pleading for a sign that I wasn’t alone. And did I receive a sign? Nope, nothing. I felt forsaken and abandoned.

A few days after I asked for the sign, I woke up in the early morning hours. I was in that half-asleep/half-awake state that is called the theta state (👉TIP: the theta state is the same state we’re working with in a QHHT session and is often where we can receive messages from the divine). It was as though I woke up in mid-dialogue with God. I was asking, “Why didn’t you give me a sign that you’re always with me, loving and guiding me?” And I immediately heard, “So that you could choose me.” I asked, “but haven’t I been choosing you? Haven’t I been walking the path of love?” To which God/Spirit responded, “Meh - you could be more consistent.” And I got a download of knowing that God/Spirit wasn’t testing me with the absence of a sign. Rather, I was being given the beautiful gift of free will to choose the path of love - without being influenced. And I understood that the ‘meh-sort of-you could be more consistent’ was referring not to me being more loving to others, but to me being even more consistent with self-love and self-care. Even when it’s hard.

I’d love to tell you that as I write this, the black cloud has completely disappeared. It hasn’t. But it has lightened and started to shift. And I’ve become aware of so many blessings during this dark and challenging time: I recognize I was given the kindest, gentlest possible timing of getting sick, and my car not starting while I was still home and not stranded in the freezing cold somewhere. And after I prayed for the angels to redirect the mice to seek shelter away from my home and car, the traps my friend had set under the hood of my car have been empty for days. And the beautiful support I received from that friend so my tender heart wouldn’t need to handle a dead mouse body. And my neighbor’s kindness in running multiple errands for Tylenol, cough medicine and Kleenex. And my daughter FaceTiming me every other day to see how I’m feeling and provide a bit of social connection while I was isolating. All these gifts were there all along, I just couldn’t see them. Recognizing these blessings has led me back to my core belief that we are, indeed, never alone and we are always being loved and supported.

And now, it’s up to me. To choose the path of self-love - even when it’s oh-so-easy to slip into old habits that are comforting. I need to re-claim my power to return to love. I guess it’s kinda like Glenda told Dorothy - I’ve had the power within me to go home all along.💗

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